Unlearn Learned Helplessness | Take Charge of Your Life

How we attribute the events that occur in our lives has a significant effect on our attitudes and efforts in improving our lot. In particular there are three types of belief affect us:

• Stable or unstable cause: If we believe that events are caused by factors which do not change, we assume that it is not worth us trying to change them. So if I believe my success is based on an unchangeable ability, it will seem that it is not worth my trying to improve myself.
  
  
• Internal or External cause: We can believe that events are caused by ourselves or something outside of ourselves. If I assume a serious car crash was my fault, I will be less likely to drive again than if I attribute it to a greasy road.
  
  
• Global or Specific cause: If we believe that events are caused by a large number of factors then we feel we can do less to change things than if we see few and specific causes.

Martin Seligman is responsible for the Learned Helplessness theory which had a major influence on psychological research into depression in the 1970s. Seligman discovered helplessness by accident whilst studying the effects of inescapable shock on active avoidance learning in dogs.

Seligman restrained dogs in a pavlovian harness and administered several shocks (UCS) paired with a conditioned stimulus (CS) - this is the conventional CS-UCS pairing procedure used to study classical conditioning . Then these dogs were placed in a shuttle-box where they could avoid shock by jumping over a barrier. The shuttle-box was used to study the role of operant conditioning in learning. Most of the dogs failed to learn to avoid shock.

Seligman argued that prior exposure to inescapable shock interfered with the ability to learn in a situation where avoidance or escape was possible. Seligman used the term Learned Helplessness to describe this phenomenon.

It is important to emphasize that helplessness is not an all-or-none phenomenon. Seligman studied the behavior of about 150 dogs between 1965 and 1969. About 100 (2/3rds) were helpless after the administration of unavoidable electric shock in the pavlovian situation. The remaining 1/3rd were completely normal and learned to avoid shock in the avoidance learning test. There was no intermediate outcome - dogs either learnt to avoid, or passively accepted shock in the shuttle-box. Furthermore, about 5% of naive dogs that had never received inescapable shock, exhibited helplessness when first exposed to shock in the operant learning situation.

The central idea in the Learned Helplessness theory is the notion that all animals (including humans) are able to learn that reinforcers are uncontrollable . This marks a sharp change in direction from previous studies of learning which had focused on learning in controllable situations (Seligman,1992).

Example

If a poor test result is attributed to a lack of intrinsic capability as evidenced by many past failures, then we are likely to reduce our efforts, be more depressed and view ourselves in an ever-fading light.

Cognition and helplessness

It is important to appreciate that although cognition is at the heart of Seligman's theory, learned helplessness affects other psychological processes:

• motivation - reduced, no incentive to try new coping responses
  

• cognition - inability to learn new responses to overcome prior learning that trauma is uncontrollable
  
  
• emotion - the helpless state resembles depression

The most efficient solution for learned helplessness is to open your eyes and free your mind. Many of us think of learned helplessness as an inability. We tend to imagine this situation as not being able to do something. We also tend to believe that it involves fear.

Those are not close to the truth of learned helplessness.

Learned helplessness is a psychological condition in which a human being or an animal has learned to act or behave helpless in a particular situation, even when it has the power to change its unpleasant or even harmful circumstance (wikipedia).

When a person is suffering from learned helplessness, he or she is not even aware of his or her state. When confronted with a situation which requires an act on the part of an individual, and this individual does not act accordingly, this is not because of a feeling of helplessness. It is because he even cannot think that he should act or he does not know that he can act.

Therefore, the key solution to learned helplessness is not courage but awareness. This is not a road in which the subject will be empowered. This should be a way of "dis-learning" or forgetting and learning again in a new fashion, what is being learned beforehand.

Learned helplessness is not an emotion, it is a belief.

Then how can one overcome learned helplessness? How is it possible for an individual who is not really aware or just barely aware of his situation?

Learned helplessness is itself not an emotion but it can produce negative emotions usually so much that the individual knows deep inside about his helplessness. However the big obstacle is the resistance towards such a negative emotion and willing to work on it. It takes time.

So, the biggest help is insight about the helplessness and trying to decondition and unlearn it.

To overcome such a learned helplessness, you have to try and expose yourself to the same situation again.

I think we all have a touch of this learned helplessness, in some areas of our lives, and I also think we can overcome this learned helplessness in three very simple steps.

The first step is just to recognize that you’re practicing learned helplessness. You can ask someone you really trust if they see this behavior in you at times. You can also start noticing when you tell yourself you can’t do something when in fact you really just don’t want to. Whatever method you use for recognizing your helpless behavior, it’s important that you do recognize it.

Second, you can then begin eliminating this behavior simply by committing to stop. Like anything else, you have to want to stop acting helpless, but fortunately, once you realize you are doing this, you’ll be so annoyed by your behavior, yourself, that you’ll be very eager to get rid of this pattern of inaction in your life.

And of course the third step is to stop acting helpless. Of course, it’s not that easy. I would suggest that once you’ve identified an area in which you do not take responsibility (which is all learned helplessness is), you first find someone who can help you learn the things you need to do, if you don’t know how, then make a practice of doing one thing in that area every day. If it’s not something that needs doing every day, then spend time every day learning or writing about that area of your life.

When I say “area,” I don’t mean that if your computer is messed up or you haven’t figured out how to program the DVD player you should spend endless hours fixing these things. But if you can spend time on that area of your life. Learn what it takes to take charge of those technologies or hire someone else to do so. This way, you’ll be using the technology for what it was intended for instead of watching it gather dust and cursing at it and the world in which we live. Spend time on the maintenance areas of your life.

How can you take charge of your life and overcome learned helplessness today?

• Find one area of your life that needs an overhaul
  
  
• Plan what you can do this week to start taking responsibility
  
  
• Take an action today

Seligman suggests in his book "Learned Optimism" that one can overcome depression by learning new explanatory styles. This is the basis of cognitive therapy. In such therapies, the counselor challenges the client's beliefs and explanations of life's events.The whole self-help movement is based on the optimistic belief that we can change ourselves for the better.

Deep Change (in attitude)

I live in India, and I have seen something... it doesn't matter if you have a great or very very bad background, if you have or you don't have education, if you have or don't have your family support, society, friends, etc. what it does matter if your attitude.

I have seen many people in very difficult situations and they achieved many thing in their life, some overcame poverty, and now they have better income than many in my region. But this change is due to their own attitude change, they dreamed what they wanted and they were eager to sacrifice themselves, doing huge effort until they achieved their goal.

Most of the people in poverty situations they don't want a change, if they really wanted that, I would like to see them doing everything they can to create their own solutions, but guess what, instead they want to receive the benefits of solutions without any effort from their side.

I´m sorry if you are planning macro economics, or micro economics, solving problem practices, but, i have seen many people with all this kinds of resources and they didn't get any better than they were before, just because they didn't change their attitude.

Just think about it, imagine two situations. One is just waiting for someone to come and gives them everything they need. And the other making tremendous efforts to create that reality for them. Who is going to change their status and keep improving in any situation?

In my family I have seen my parents, aunts, uncles, and many more, they worked from 6 AM to midnight for many years, and when someone came and ask for money without any disability, or mental problem, or something that I know they aren't truly capable of achieving for themselves, we offer them job when available, and we tell them that by just working they can change their situation ... and guess what, none of these people are wiling to do anything, if we arrange activities for them in our business, they don't show up the first day, or if they come they do not last for 3 or 2 business days.

Maybe, an easy manual of how to change your attitude, could be the solution for overcoming poverty, only each person can change his own attitude, so it wouldn't be a bad idea to create a tool for every person to follow their own path in their attitude change, and life change.

Reflections

Hi!

Received this wonderful one in mail today and was worth sharing.

"In real life, grades do not produce value.
The value is in how effectively the learning is applied."

--unknown

Storyline:

In the summer of 1974, in an Applied Mathematics class under Professor Ho. During the very first class, while the Professor was going over the course curriculum, students repeatedly kept asking questions about his grading system, bell curve percentages and things to do with how the final mark was worked out. When asked one too many times, Professor Ho said, "Well, if everyone deserves a C then everyone will get one."

The next class was half the size of the first one. Many students had decided to drop out after listening to Professor Ho's explanation of his grading system.

At the end of the semester, when the day of reckoning arrived, the students were astonished to see that everyone had gotten either an A or B. There were no grades lower.

One students curiosity got the better of them and they asked Professor Ho, "If this is what the end result is, why did you scare off half the students with your comment about C grades in the first meeting?"

According to Professor Ho, the primary purpose of going to school should be learning, and not finding ways to manage or manipulate indicators like grades to get by. "Jumping from one class to another or from one Professor to another just to get grades does not build a strong foundation or lasting learning, which is neither a benefit to the students or to society."

Reflection:

Later, Professor Ho revealed a secret that some students had not done well in the exams (one time sitting) but he graded them based on his observation of how much commitment they had demonstrated in real learning and effort. He believed that those students would go a long way in life and career.

--
A friend 4 ever
Relations are all about three things -
Winning, Losing and Sharing.
Winning heart,
Losing ego
and
Sharing joy & sorrow.
So always be related.

I Can'ts Funeral

Devika's fourth grade classroom looked like many others I had seen in the past. The teacher's desk was in front and faced the students. The bulletin board featured student work. In most respects it appeared to be a typically traditional elementary classroom. Yet something seemed different that day I entered it for the first time.

My job was to make classroom visitations and encourage implementation of a training program that focused on language arts ideas that would empower students to feel good about themselves and take charge of their lives. Donna was one of the volunteer teachers who participated in this project.

I took an empty seat in the back of the room and watched. All the students were working on a task, filling a sheet of notebook paper with thoughts and ideas. The ten-year-old student next to me was filling her page with "I Can'ts". "I can't kick the soccer ball past second base." "I can't do long division with more than three numerals." "I can't get Deviani to like me." Her page was half full and she showed no signs of letting up. She worked on with determination and persistence. I walked down the row glancing at student's papers. Everyone was writing sentences, describing things they couldn't do.

By this time the activity engaged my curiosity, so I decided to check with the teacher to see what was going on but I noticed she too was busy writing. I felt it best not to interrupt. "I can't get John's mother to come for a teacher conference." "I can't get my daughter to put gas in the car." "I can't get Aman to use words instead of fists."

Thwarted in my efforts to determine why students and teacher were dwelling on the negative instead of writing the more positive "I Can" statements, I returned to my seat and continued my observations.

Students wrote for another ten minutes. They were then instructed to fold the papers in half and bring them to the front. They placed their "I Can't" statements into an empty shoe box. Then Devika added hers. She put the lid on the box, tucked it under her arm and headed out the door and down the hall.

Students followed the teacher. I followed the students. Halfway down the hallway Devika entered the custodian's room, rummaged around and came out with a shovel. Shovel in one hand, shoe box in the other, Donna marched the students out to the school to the farthest corner of the playground. There they began to dig. They were going to bury their "I Can'ts"!

The digging took over ten minutes because most of the fourth graders wanted a turn. The box of "I Can'ts" was placed in a position at the bottom of the hole and then quickly covered with dirt. Thirty-one 10 and 11 year-olds stood around the freshly dug grave site. At this point Devika announced, "Boys and girls, please join hands and bow your heads." They quickly formed a circle around the grave, creating a bond with their hands.

They lowered their heads and waited. Devika delivered the eulogy.

"Friends, we gathered here today to honor the memory of 'I Can't.' While he was with us here on earth, he touched the lives of everyone, some more than others. We have provided 'I Can't' with a final resting place and a headstone that contains his epitaph. His is survived by his brothers and sisters, 'I Can', 'I Will', and 'I'm Going to Right Away'. They are not as well known as their famous relative and are certainly not as strong and powerful yet. Perhaps some day, with your help, they will make an even bigger mark on the world. May 'I Can't' rest in peace and may everyone present pick up their lives and move forward in his absence. Amen."

As I listened I realized that these students would never forget this day. Writing "I Can'ts", burying them and hearing the eulogy. That was a major effort on this part of the teacher. And she wasn't done yet.

She turned the students around, marched them back into the classroom and held a wake. They celebrated the passing of "I Can't" with cookies, popcorn and fruit juices. As part of the celebration, Devika cut a large tombstone from butcher paper. She wrote the words "I Can't" at the top and put RIP in the middle. The date was added at the bottom. The paper tombstone hung in Devika's classroom for the remainder of the year.

On those rare occasions when a student forgot and said, "I Can't", Devika simply pointed to the RIP sign. The student then remembered that "I Can't" was dead and chose to rephrase the statement. I wasn't one of Devika's students. She was one of mine. Yet that day I learned an enduring lesson from her as years later, I still envision that fourth grade class laying to rest, "I Can't".

Don't Graduate with the Wrong Degree

Let’s pretend you’re a senior liberal arts major, and the only reason you chose liberal arts in the first place is because you didn’t really know what else to major in. Now you wish you could go back and major in business and work in sales instead.

Does this mean you’re doomed to a career you don’t care about? No.

Here are some ways to apply your wrong degree to the right career:

Focus on Transferable Skills

There are the skills you can easily transfer from one job or career to another. Your transferable skills might include research and writing skills from typing up all those reports.

Supplement Your Wrong Degree with the Right Experience

Majoring in liberal arts, you may not have considered an internship in sales. Put your knowledge to use and gain experience by netting internships at a small business or volunteering to write material for a sales organization.

Don’t Let it Hold You Back

There’s really no such thing as a wrong degree. With the right experience, anyone can transition to a new career or profession. If going back to school is an option, start by searching for schools and degree programs for the career you’ve always wanted!

It’s Never Too Late To Go Back to School

You might be graduated with a liberal arts degree, but that doesn’t mean you can’t return to school to pursue your passion. Degree programs are more convenient than ever.

Ten Things Successful People Know And You Probably Don't

What do extraordinarily successful people know about life that you don’t? Are they just a lot luckier, smarter, or harder working than you? Or is there something inherently different in the way that they approach life that propels them to unimaginable heights? The following list attempts to answer these questions. It contains the distilled wisdom from many years of trial and error by some of the most successful people modern society has seen. Some of what you’ll read might surprise you. Some of it – I hope! – will inspire you.

Either way, it just might light that fire under you. ENJOY.

Ten Things Successful People Know That You Don't

1. You are the CEO of your own life.

You are completely responsible for the level of success that you experience personally and professionally. You are equally responsible for the lack thereof. Your success will be defined by the vision you create and the choices that you make to support it. There may be no such thing as “control” in this world, but there certainly is “responsibility.” Take responsibility for your actions, your choices, your future – and watch success unfold.

2. It is next to impossible to exceed your own expectations.

If you want an extraordinary life, you have to set extraordinary expectations. Make extraordinary choices. Do extraordinary things. Henry Ford once said, “If you believe that you can do a thing, or if you believe you cannot, in either case, you are right.” Whatever you expect – of yourself, your career, your relationships, your life – sets the limit of what is possible for you.

3. When you believe something is impossible, it becomes invisible.

The truth is that you don’t begin to know what’s really possible. The list of impossible things proved possible by the will and creativity of the human spirit is endless. We have walked on the moon. We’ve broken the sound barrier. We’ve outrun the 4-minute mile. We’ve created human babies from single cells in a plastic dish. We’ve compressed millions of bits of information into something the size of a safety pin.

Just because you can’t see it with your own eyes doesn’t mean it can’t happen. Possibility is everywhere.

4. Success has nothing to do with luck.

Extraordinarily successful people don’t waste their time wondering IF their dreams will come true someday. They concern themselves rather with HOW they’re going to make them happen. Ask yourself the same question. To get what you most want out of life -- how fearless are you willing to be? How creative are you willing to get? How much are you willing to compromise (or sacrifice)?

Extraordinarily successful people didn’t get that way through prayer or luck or pixie dust. They just wouldn’t take no for an answer.

5. Life gets much easier when you have a clear and personal definition of success.

Only you can truly define success for yourself. Your personal definition of success is not subject to the whims of your friends or family, your community or your culture. It’s not seduced or distracted by advertising, and it’s not confusing, arbitrary or vague. It does not define you or box you in. Your personal definition of success frees you to enjoy life completely by releasing you from priorities that are not relevant or meaningful.

If you don’t define success for yourself, rest assured that it will be defined for you. But it probably won’t feel quite as good.

6.The things we call ‘mistakes’ are life’s greatest learning opportunities.

The more mistakes you make, the more you learn. Why is it that children have permission to make mistakes, but as adults we are so ashamed of taking a misstep? Wisdom does not come from never erring. It comes from learning, adapting, and growing as a result of the many bumps along life’s road.

It’s one thing to make the same mistake over and over again – but where’s the shame in making new mistakes? Was anything extraordinary ever created on the very first try? Successful people are always making mistakes, because they know that without mistakes there are no successes.

7. You reap what you sow.

The successful person’s definition of insanity: “Doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different results.” If something isn’t working for you – if it’s not delivering the intended result – then stop doing it. Try something new. Change your approach. Get creative.

Stop asking ‘why me’ and start asking ‘how can I approach this in a new way?’ You can’t expect to plant oats and get barley. So stop the insanity!

8. The only ‘wrong’ decision is no decision.

Perfection is not your friend. Perfection will keep you spinning your wheels, endlessly ‘refining’ things until… your window of opportunity becomes tightly sealed shut.
wake up! There is no such thing as ‘perfection’. Or… from another vantage point… everything is perfect. Either way, make your decision and do something. If the fear of doing something wrong is what’s paralyzing you… refer to #6 above.

9. You are what you think.

Notice the internal dialogue that’s going on in your head at this very moment. Are you chastising yourself for not being more decisive? For taking the ‘safe route’ or for making the same mistake twice? You are what you think. Your thoughts create your emotions, which in turn impact behavior. Your behavior over time shapes and molds your LIFE.

Successful people develop their ability to monitor and mediate their own thoughts। They are skilled at noticing their own negative self-talk and systematically replacing it with positive affirmation; with a vision of their success. They refuse to accept limits on their potential. They expect the best – from the world and from others. They take full responsibility for the choices they make and the thoughts they think.

So if you want to be extraordinarily successful, start thinking of yourself that way.

10. You already have all the answers (you just don’t know it yet).

When was the last time you trusted your instincts? Or followed through on something that was “just a hunch”? Successful people develop an extraordinary capacity for recognizing, trusting and acting on their own intuition. They become highly skilled at tuning in to their inner voice and tuning out the multitude of external and often contradictory influences.

Does this mean they’re always right? No. Nobody is always right but with each mistake, that sense of intuition becomes more and more finely tuned.

If you’re facing a tough decision or a challenging issue, stop looking to others for advice and answers. Tune into your own inner voice. You already have all the answers. So listen carefully.

Taking The High Road

"It's nothing personal; it's just business," is a commonly heard phrase in the workplace. However, I tend to disagree with anyone who tries to impersonalize business. At its heart, commerce is a human enterprise, founded upon relationships between people.

Most of us spend a majority of our waking hours in our business or at work, and our vocations endow our lives with meaning or purpose. When we devote ourselves to profession, we're giving a piece of who we are to our work. In that sense, business is deeply personal.

In the workplace, as in the rest of life, relationships get messy. Sooner or later, we will be mistreated. A boss will unjustly fault our performance, a partner will fail to honor an agreement, or a co-worker will cut us down in a meeting. Since business is personal, those instances hurt us, and unless dealt with correctly, they can derail us. As a leader, we have to commit to taking the high road when others, intentionally or unintentionally, wrong us.

Four Tips For Travelling the High Road

1) It's Not What Happens to You, but in You That Really Matters

During the Civil War, Confederate General W.H.C. Whiting envied rival general Robert E. Lee. Consequently, Whiting spread vicious rumors about Lee in an attempt to smear his character. Lee had the opportunity to get even, though. Jefferson Davis, President of the Confederacy, was considering Whiting for a promotion, and he consulted Lee's opinion of the general. Without hesitation, Lee endorsed and commended Whiting. The officers who witnessed the exchange were astonished. Afterward, one of them asked Lee if he had forgotten all of the slander Whiting had spread about him.

"I understand that the President wanted to know my opinion of Whiting, responded Lee, not his opinion of me." Lee did what high road travelers do. He refused to be dragged into a game of bickering and petty jealousies by treating another person with respect, even when that respect seemed unwarranted.

2) High Roaders See Their Own Need for Grace, Therefore They Extend It to Others

Let's face it; we all screw up from time to time. Each of us has quirks that we know can be annoying, and bad moments when we're not so pleasant to be around.
People who take the high road recognize their humanness, know that they need to be extended grace, and accordingly are more likely to extend it to others.

3) High Roaders Are Not Victims; They Choose to Serve Others

People who take the high road don't do so because it's the only available option. They don't do it by accident either: the high road goes uphill and takes more effort to travel. Instead, high roaders choose their path as a conscious act of service to others. By taking the high road, they drain animosity and bitterness out of relationships, serving to keep them open and productive.

Interestingly, in serving others, higher roaders benefit themselves, too. As the author of Proverbs wrote, "It is a man's glory to overlook an offense." When we maturely respond to a slight by showing forgiveness, we display admirable character that elevates us in the eyes of others.

4) High Roaders Set High Standards for Themselves Than Others Would

Abandoned as an infant, author James Michener never knew his biological parents. Fortunately, he was taken in and raised by a widow, and he adopted her surname. However, each time James published a book, he received nasty notes from one member of the Michener clan. The relative chastised James for taking on the Michener name, which this person felt the novelist had no right to use.

Despite being berated, Michener did agree with one statement his relative had made, "Who do you think you are, trying to be better than you are?" As James Michener professed, "I've spent my life trying to be better than I was, and I am a brother to all who share the same aspiration."

When we conduct ourselves according to the highest standard, we are less likely to become defensive and take the low road when others attack us. Once you've done all that you can, then you can let the noise of detractors roll off your back like rain.

Summary

In leadership, as in life, others will behave unkindly toward you. When ill-treated, don't retreat into a defensive mode or strike back in anger. Instead, take the high road and discover how rising above offenses frees you from petty arguments and adds to your reputation.

- Dr. John C. Maxwell

The Nature of Knowing That We Know

The word "consciousness" literally means "that with which we know." It has also been termed the "knowing faculty". To live more consciously means to be more consciously aware, moment by moment, that we are present in all that we do. When we do the countless things that make up our daily lives, we remember the being that is involved in those activities. We remember ourselves (and to "re-member" is to make whole; it is the opposite of "dismemberment"). To live consciously is to move through life with conscious self-remembering.

We all have the ability to consciously know ourselves as we move through life. The capacity to "witness" the unfolding of our lives is not an ability that is remote or hidden from us. To the contrary, this is an experience that is so close, so intimate, and so ordinary, that we easily overlook its presence and significance. An old adage states: "It's a rare fish that knows it swims in water." Analogously, the challenge of living voluntarily is not in gaining access to the conscious experiencing of ourselves but rather consciously recognizing the presence of this experience, and then learning the skills of sustaining our opening to that experience.

Despite the utter simplicity of being consciously watchful of our lives, this is a demanding activity. At first it is a struggle to just occasionally remember ourselves moving through the daily routine. A brief moment of self-remembering is followed by an extended period where we are lost in the flow of thought and the demands of the exterior world. Yet with practice, we find that we can more easily remember ourselves -- while walking down the street, or while we are at home, at work, at play. We come to recognize, as direct experience, the nature of "knowing that we know". As our familiarity with this mode of perception increases, we get lost in thought and worldly activities less and less frequently. In turn, we experience our behavior in the world as more and more choiceful, or voluntary.

The conscious knowing of ourselves as we live our lives affords us insight into the workings of the ego. We are increasingly liberated from habitual and automated patterns of behavior, thought and feeling.

Extracted from "Voluntary Simplicity"

How to overcome envy and free yourself to be happier

"Envy is the art of counting the other fellow's blessings instead of your own." Harold Coffin

Envy hurts - and it hurts you. Although envy is directed at others it turns around and damages the sufferer. To live with bitterness toward others just because they possess what you think you want is a travesty of what it means to be human.

We are happier when we can be pleased for others while counting our own blessings. Appreciating what we have, rather than lamenting what we don't leads to a much more pleasant life.

Envy is a type of greed. No matter what you achieve in life, there will always be someone to envy. No matter how rich, good looking, intelligent or lucky you are there is always someone who may seem to have a bit more. Really envy is a very targeted specific type of greed. Two people can envy each other simultaneously for different things!

Get better, not bitter. You can be ambitious and driven to succeed without being envious and resentful of others. Because no matter how much someone seems to have in life we are all of us temporary. Money, possessions, talents, looks and youth are only on temporary loan and life is too short to look at what others have to the detriment of your own well being.

The grass is always greener on the other side and someone else's life can always seem better. If you feel insecure a lot of the time then other people may seem to have a better deal than you. But rather than wasting energy in resentment, those without envy use their spare focus to play what ever hand they have been dealt to the best of their ability. Playing a poor hand well can only happen when stop wishing and start acting to improve our own lives.

Avoid envy caused by brain washing. We are conditioned to want certain things through the media and peer pressure but to really direct your own path in life you need to decide what it is you as a unique person, really want. You may decide it's very different from what you have been led to believe or what you envy in others.

Envy is about separation. When we envy others we work against them rather than feeling connected to people around us. Your success should enrich and improve the lives of other people. When we feel we want to improve the lives of communities and groups rather than just being out for ourselves these feelings of separation diminish. Your friend's success becomes your success and vise versa.

The best person to envy is the person without envy because they have something really worthwhile. But rather than envy them we can emulate them and learn how to relax more when relating other people to ourselves.

The Top 10 Ways to Improve Your Mental Attitude

Personal energy is an important component of personal and business productivity. Most people cycle between positive and negative energy states during the work week. But the percentage of time spent in positive and negative moods varies significantly. Some people seem to be overwhelmingly negative, while others in similar circumstances can remain much more positive. Increasing the time spent in positive states will improve personal productivity. The following ten tips suggest ways to facilitate a more positive attitude.

1. Work first on your relationships.

Relationships are both our best sources of happiness and our biggest sources of problems and frustrations. Developing good relationships and improving or ending the poor relationships in your life will increase your personal energy. An effective tactic to start improving your relationships is to develop better personal boundaries and standards and work on reducing tolerations.

2. Develop a routine to start every day in a positive mental state.

It is very helpful to start the day with a routine that creates positive energy. Many people find activities like an early morning walk, exercise, meditation, quiet time, etc., effective in getting their day off to a positive start. It is easier to stay positive, if you can start with a positive attitude.

3. Learn how to monitor your current mental state and changes to it.

This is a complex area, but if you can link negative mood changes to a source or cause, then you are frequently in a position to quickly change back. The important point here is once you are in a negative state, get the message or value from the situation, then take some action to return to a positive state. This is discussed more in #6 below.

4. Create an energizing physical environment.

Invest some time and money to make your personal surroundings pleasing and energizing to you. Some small items may make a big difference to how your personal space affects your moods. Poor lighting can lower your mental state, especially in the winter. I put 800 watts of halogen lighting in my workspace and noticed a big mood improvement. Some people report a big improvement in their mood just by cleaning up their bedroom and making the bed before leaving for work. Clutter is de-energizing to many people. A sink full of dirty dishes is de-energizing to some. A small water fountain can create a feeling of energy. Music can offset feelings of isolation. Feng Shui is an entire discipline that addresses the harmony of physical surroundings. Further reading in this topic may give you some good ideas.

5. Carefully monitor your self-talk.

Negative self talk is a common source of low moods. When you are hearing negative self talk, be alert to the unrealistic, overly negative messages. Focus on getting any truthful message, then shifting out of overly self-defeating criticism. It is true that we are usually our own worst critic.

6. Develop methods of shifting yourself to a more positive state.

Once you are aware of your negative moods, and have developed your own method of getting the value out of the bad mood, then craft methods of moving back to a positive mood. These methods can include positive self talk, taking action towards a desirable goal, interacting with another person. One creative method is to maintain a Truth Journal in which you write down your personal Truth about various topics. This Truth can include past successes, what you are really good at, things you enjoy, compliments you have received, progress towards goals, etc. Then, when you are feeling negative about a topic, read the Truth Journal.

7. Deal with problems effectively.

Problems are a part of life. Few people enjoy problems. But, in many cases we can learn from problems. It may help to ask yourself several questions, such as:
What am I contributing to this problem?
What Life Lesson have I been missing here?
What is the worst that can happen and how can I improve on that?
What am I doing right?
What am I going to do differently?

Getting into a habit of using problems as learning experiences can help us avoid becoming de-energized when they occur.

8. Focus your energy on attracting more of what you want.

Time and energy spent dwelling on problems is frequently better spent pursuing desirable goals. It helps to examine your own contribution to any difficulties and understand how you may need to change. Then be sure to ask others directly for what you want from them; don't fall into the trap of under communicating. In this way, you are always making course corrections and moving forward. I have found it helpful to print out a list of goals, and my theme for the week first thing Monday morning. This seems to help me get started on a positive note.

9. Be a positive energy source with others.

Negative energy seems to attract negative results. Keeping your own mood positive can encourage positive moods and suppress negative behavior in others.

10. Avoid using negative energy as an energy source.

Many people have a shortage of positive energy in their lives and use negative energy as their energy source. They create busyness, use deadlines, crises, and problems to keep them going. In many cases, their motivation patterns shift entirely from seeking pleasure to avoiding pain. In most cases, serious burnout is the eventual result of becoming dependent on negative energy sources.