Guy Kawasaki's "Art of Schmoozing"

Schmoozing is both a skill and a fine art. Tech guru Guy Kawasaki has posted an excellent piece called "The Art of Schmoozing" in his blog "Let the Good Times Roll" where he has tips on how to hone those skills.

"The key is to establish a relationship before you need it. And this is why I'd like to provide the art of schmoozing."

Kawasaki has 9 points; the details to each of those can be found at his blog.

1. Understand the goal.
2. Get out.
3. Ask good questions, then shut up.
4. Unveil your passions.
5. Read voraciously.
6. Follow up.
7. Make it easy to get in touch.
8. Give favors.
9. Ask for the return of favors.

My favorites are:

#3 - "Ask good questions, then shut up." The mark of a good conversationalist is not that you can talk a lot. The mark is that you can get others to talk a lot. Thus, good schmoozers are good listeners, not good talkers. Ask softball questions like, “What do you do?” “Where are you from?” “What brings you to this event?” Then listen. Ironically, you'll be remembered as an interesting person.

#4 - "Unveil your passions." Only talking about business is boring. Good schmoozers unveil their passions after they get to know you. Great schmoozers lead off with their passions. Your passions make you an interesting person--you'll stick out because you're the only person not talking about 802.11 chipsets at the wireless conference. Personally, my passions are children, Macintosh, Breitling watches, digital photography, and hockey if you ever meet me.

#5 - "Read voraciously." In order to be a good schmoozer, you need to read voraciously--and not just the EE Times, PC Magazine, and the Wall Street Journal. You need a broad base of knowledge so that you can access a vast array of information during conversations. Even if you are a pathetic passionless person, you can at least be a well-read one who can talk about a variety of topics.

#8 - "Give favors." One of my great pleasures in life is helping other people; I believe there's a big Karmic scoreboard in the sky. God is keeping track of the good that you do, and She is particularly pleased when you give favors without the expectation of return from the recipient. The scoreboard always pays back. You can also guess that I strongly believe in returning favors for people who have helped you.

#9 - "Ask for the return of favors." Good schmoozers give favors. Good schmoozers also return favors. However, great schmoozers ask for the return of favors. You may find this puzzling: Isn't it better to keep someone indebted to you? The answer is no, and this is because keeping someone indebted to you puts undue pressure on your relationship. Any decent person feels guilty and indebted. By asking for, and receiving, a return favor, you clear the decks, relieve the pressure, and set up for a whole new round of give and take. After a few rounds of give and take, you're best friends, and you have mastered the art of schmoozing.

An Inside Look at Men's Secret (and Not So Secret) Fears

Found this interesting article on the internet about the fears, obsessions and anxieties of men.

Men have just as many fears, obsessions, and anxieties plaguing their psyches as women do. Here, a few bold men reveal what men fear most about Sex, Relationships, and Fatherhood.

What Men Fear Most About Sex, Relationships, and Fatherhood - Redbook:

The Manual: Book Review

A True Bad Boy Explains How Men Think, Date, and Mate--and What Women Can Do to Come Out on Top

Written by Steve Santagati

Do men notice your haircut? Your heels? Your witty sense of humor?

Let's face it: women want to look sexy sometimes. And whether you're into a vintage style, or the full-on va-va-voom, you do wonder, what do guys notice? If you ever wanted to know about men's preferences—like whether your Manolos even register on his Richter scale—here's your definitive guide. In this excerpt from The Manual, you'll find out for sure what men find sexy.

Attention to vanity will seem shallow at times, but in the game of love, it's very important. Most women I see are lazy in this department. And, not surprisingly, these are the same women who complain, saying things such as “Men are so superficial,” “I want him to love me for what's inside,” or “I hate the gym.” Well, no one is telling you that you can't dress as you choose. But when you put those constraints on yourself, you're limiting the number of men who will find you attractive. In the end, meeting the right person is a numbers game, and part of getting those numbers rolling is how you dress.

Lingerie

Lingerie can be inexpensive, but it can't be the kind that comes in a package of three (white, pink, and blue). Nor can it be the “granny” kind with a waist that reaches up to you rib cage and that hangs like a diaper. Lingerie is one garment that you should find as sexy as he does. And it benefits you, too. Women have told me that when they wear nice underwear, even though no one may see it, they will actually walk and talk differently, just knowing they have a little sexy secret. If lingerie can do that to a woman—and we already know how it affects men—then don't you think you should go out and get yourself some? You have tons of choices, and when it comes to lingerie, men like just about anything.

Shoes

Again, men don't care. We know you like them. We don't understand why you like them. All we know is that many of you have closets full of them, and we've figured out that since you spend so much time and money on them, we can compliment them to flatter you. That's about it.

Most likely, if a guy tells you what nice shoes you have, he's either gay or “working on you.” My friend Mari recently told me that a guy came up to her in the airport and complimented her on new shoes. She's so sweet that she thought he meant it. I'm not saying that they're not nice shoes. But have you ever heard a man say, “Well, the thing that caught my eye was Shirley's shoes. I love those pumps, and when I saw them I knew she was the woman for me”? I don't know a single male who would say, “Dude, this chick had the hottest shoes on last night. Damn, I should've gotten her number.” It doesn't happen. Shoe flattery is for one purpose one: flattery.

Have I made my point?

There is one style of shoes that men notice, and that's high heels. But heels are more about what a girl looks like in them than about the shoes themselves. Heels make feet and legs look sexy. The classic example is a girl wearing high heels in a bikini. Cheesy, and not particularly functional in the sands of Miami and L.A., but men notice for sure.

Hair

Hair, on the other hand, is, sigh, one of the sexiest things about a woman. Hair grabs us and doesn't let us go. Think octopus tentacles. Your style, color and texture are no matter. Your hair only needs to have a clean, tousled, just-out-of-bed look. My opinion is that most women look sexier with longer hair than shorter. Men like long, sexy hair largely because we don't have it. Plus, very few women can get away with that short boyish look. Next time you're out in public, watch how men look at women with long hair versus short.

On a related note, hair salons suck. I can't believe what they've done to some of your mops. They're not just ruining your hair; they're wrecking your love life. With the Internet and a gazillion fashion magazines at your fingertips, you've got plenty of references. Please think sexy and spend the time and money to get the right do. When in doubt, turn to whichever celebrity women are getting the most attention for being sexy, and copy them. Messy sexy is what you should be after: think Sheryl Crow, Jessica Alba, Jane Seymour and Reese Witherspoon.

A few more tips: Don't color your hair based on the swatches you picked up at the paint store. Other styles to avoid include bad bangs, mullets and that “business in the front/party in the back” look. And stop cutting your hair short as you age—there's no need to.

Dresses

Every woman wears a dress differently. The only hard-and-fast rule is to pick a dress that accentuates your best body parts. Whether you have a gorgeous back, incredible thighs, or lovely collarbones, stock up on designs that not only fit but also highlight those attributes.

Your shape and height determine much of what you'll look good in, but here are some general rules of thumb:

Shorter Girls

• Wear heels. Heels create the illusion of longer legs. And as I've said, they're sexy!
  
  
• Buy a dress that vaguely clings, while still allowing your bum to move freely. Check out the red carpet “best dressed” lists for examples.
  
  
• Loose cotton dresses are best if you have some pounds to shed. They give us a hint of your bum and legs without a solid picture. We have vivid imaginations and we fantasize you better-looking, not worse. (We're on your side here. Just give us something to work with!)

Taller Girls

• Stand up straight, shoulders back, chest high.
  
  
• Wear longer dresses that hug your legs a bit. You want a fitted design.
  
  
• Pick either heels of flats, depending on how tall you want to appear.
  
  
• Make sure that at least 60 percent of your skin is covered by the dress. You have a lot of skin, and a little goes a long way.
  
  
• As with shorter girls, loose-fitting, sheer cotton dresses that cling a little are great for those of you carrying a bit of extra weight.

Tops and Bottoms

This is fairly straightforward: You need to have tops and bottoms in your closet that you have no doubt are “man killers.” Call it your “good luck resisting me” section. This is the part of the closet that houses the cleavage cuts, the tighty tops, and the bootylicious jeans. Feel free to mix and match from the more “domestic” side of your closet, but never forget: it's a jungle out there, and sometimes it pays to get a little wild if you want to survive.

Glasses

Glasses are hot! Hands down. Just make sure you pick a great style that flatters your face and keep the lenses free of eyelashes and finger prints. I love chicks in glasses.

A self-confessed serial dater and Bad Boy, Steve is telling all for the benefit of womankind. Every guy is at least part Bad Boy, and in The Manual, this prime specimen reveals what every woman needs to know to counter Bad Boy tactics, both amateur and professional. Steve is never condescending or callous, but honest, perceptive, and street-smart. His guidance is straightforward and his insights are dead-on, giving women tools they can immediately put to work.

Discover what you may not want to know but need to know about:

•The Heart of the Bad Boy (i.e., the nature of the beast)

•The Male Mind: how he sees you and how you can make this work to your advantage

•Guys on the Hunt: the male modus operandi, from the grocery store to Home Depot

•When Boy Meets Girl: how to handle dating, from flirting to “sext” messaging to learning his weaknesses

•Mating: so you’ve got him . . . should you keep him?

Why learn from a Bad Boy instead of, say, a psychologist? Because there’s no replacement for “in the field” experience. You’ll benefit from (and laugh at) stories of real things Steve has done in relationships with women as well as of women turning the tables on him when he least expected it. The book also includes a question-and-answer section, in which Steve explores some of the toughest dating issues. To understand Steve is to understand the Bad Boy, and that will take you a long way in understanding all men. Find out how much more fun dating can be when you get the upper hand on Bad Boys . . . for good.

Buy The Manual Now!

Reflections

Hi!

Received this wonderful one in mail today and was worth sharing.

"In real life, grades do not produce value.
The value is in how effectively the learning is applied."

--unknown

Storyline:

In the summer of 1974, in an Applied Mathematics class under Professor Ho. During the very first class, while the Professor was going over the course curriculum, students repeatedly kept asking questions about his grading system, bell curve percentages and things to do with how the final mark was worked out. When asked one too many times, Professor Ho said, "Well, if everyone deserves a C then everyone will get one."

The next class was half the size of the first one. Many students had decided to drop out after listening to Professor Ho's explanation of his grading system.

At the end of the semester, when the day of reckoning arrived, the students were astonished to see that everyone had gotten either an A or B. There were no grades lower.

One students curiosity got the better of them and they asked Professor Ho, "If this is what the end result is, why did you scare off half the students with your comment about C grades in the first meeting?"

According to Professor Ho, the primary purpose of going to school should be learning, and not finding ways to manage or manipulate indicators like grades to get by. "Jumping from one class to another or from one Professor to another just to get grades does not build a strong foundation or lasting learning, which is neither a benefit to the students or to society."

Reflection:

Later, Professor Ho revealed a secret that some students had not done well in the exams (one time sitting) but he graded them based on his observation of how much commitment they had demonstrated in real learning and effort. He believed that those students would go a long way in life and career.

--
A friend 4 ever
Relations are all about three things -
Winning, Losing and Sharing.
Winning heart,
Losing ego
and
Sharing joy & sorrow.
So always be related.

Taking The High Road

"It's nothing personal; it's just business," is a commonly heard phrase in the workplace. However, I tend to disagree with anyone who tries to impersonalize business. At its heart, commerce is a human enterprise, founded upon relationships between people.

Most of us spend a majority of our waking hours in our business or at work, and our vocations endow our lives with meaning or purpose. When we devote ourselves to profession, we're giving a piece of who we are to our work. In that sense, business is deeply personal.

In the workplace, as in the rest of life, relationships get messy. Sooner or later, we will be mistreated. A boss will unjustly fault our performance, a partner will fail to honor an agreement, or a co-worker will cut us down in a meeting. Since business is personal, those instances hurt us, and unless dealt with correctly, they can derail us. As a leader, we have to commit to taking the high road when others, intentionally or unintentionally, wrong us.

Four Tips For Travelling the High Road

1) It's Not What Happens to You, but in You That Really Matters

During the Civil War, Confederate General W.H.C. Whiting envied rival general Robert E. Lee. Consequently, Whiting spread vicious rumors about Lee in an attempt to smear his character. Lee had the opportunity to get even, though. Jefferson Davis, President of the Confederacy, was considering Whiting for a promotion, and he consulted Lee's opinion of the general. Without hesitation, Lee endorsed and commended Whiting. The officers who witnessed the exchange were astonished. Afterward, one of them asked Lee if he had forgotten all of the slander Whiting had spread about him.

"I understand that the President wanted to know my opinion of Whiting, responded Lee, not his opinion of me." Lee did what high road travelers do. He refused to be dragged into a game of bickering and petty jealousies by treating another person with respect, even when that respect seemed unwarranted.

2) High Roaders See Their Own Need for Grace, Therefore They Extend It to Others

Let's face it; we all screw up from time to time. Each of us has quirks that we know can be annoying, and bad moments when we're not so pleasant to be around.
People who take the high road recognize their humanness, know that they need to be extended grace, and accordingly are more likely to extend it to others.

3) High Roaders Are Not Victims; They Choose to Serve Others

People who take the high road don't do so because it's the only available option. They don't do it by accident either: the high road goes uphill and takes more effort to travel. Instead, high roaders choose their path as a conscious act of service to others. By taking the high road, they drain animosity and bitterness out of relationships, serving to keep them open and productive.

Interestingly, in serving others, higher roaders benefit themselves, too. As the author of Proverbs wrote, "It is a man's glory to overlook an offense." When we maturely respond to a slight by showing forgiveness, we display admirable character that elevates us in the eyes of others.

4) High Roaders Set High Standards for Themselves Than Others Would

Abandoned as an infant, author James Michener never knew his biological parents. Fortunately, he was taken in and raised by a widow, and he adopted her surname. However, each time James published a book, he received nasty notes from one member of the Michener clan. The relative chastised James for taking on the Michener name, which this person felt the novelist had no right to use.

Despite being berated, Michener did agree with one statement his relative had made, "Who do you think you are, trying to be better than you are?" As James Michener professed, "I've spent my life trying to be better than I was, and I am a brother to all who share the same aspiration."

When we conduct ourselves according to the highest standard, we are less likely to become defensive and take the low road when others attack us. Once you've done all that you can, then you can let the noise of detractors roll off your back like rain.

Summary

In leadership, as in life, others will behave unkindly toward you. When ill-treated, don't retreat into a defensive mode or strike back in anger. Instead, take the high road and discover how rising above offenses frees you from petty arguments and adds to your reputation.

- Dr. John C. Maxwell

How to Spot Your Soul Mate

From marieclaire.com:

You know how you always fall for those brooding, hygienically challenged intellectuals? Learn the reason in Why Him? Why Her? Finding Real Love by Understanding Your Personality Type by Helen Fisher. After studying 40,000 men and women, the biological anthropologist and relationship guru came up with four types, and figured out the best combos.

The Low Down On Hooking Up

From marieclaire.com

We asked if women can-and should-have casual sex without emotional attachment. Here's what you said:

How Social Networking Sites Have Changed The Breakup Game

In the musical "South Pacific," Nellie made breaking up sound easy when she sang, "I'm gonna wash that man right outa my hair."

But Nellie didn't have Facebook in 1949, when the musical opened. If she had, forgetting him might have been a lot harder.

With Facebook, it's only a click away, and news of an ex even arrives unbidden, unless you take steps to stop it. There are constant reminders.

Indeed, all that interwoven connectedness, which can help ease the way into a relationship, makes it all the harder to disengage at the end.

Even if you do "unfriend" an ex, you'll still most likely encounter him often on the Facebook sites of mutual friends where his photos and comments may likely turn up.

If it's over, it's not quite over on Facebook. Updates like "Barry is in a new relationship" or "Sarah went dancing all night last night" or photos of your ex with a new man are sure to rankle.

It's all part of the fish-bowl visibility — from start to finish — that social networking sites give to what once were largely private matters of the heart.

For the mostly teens and twenty-somethings who live out their romantic lives on Facebook, the flirting often begins with one person posting a seemingly casual comment on another's wall. The very public nature of the wall — a space on a user's profile where friends can post messages — makes it possible to explore the possibility of a relationship without revealing much.

In the past, when a relationship flourished, it might be marked by a pin or a letter sweater or a friendship ring. Today it often leads to a talk: Should we change our status on Facebook from being single to being in a relationship? Or, with the more dysfunctional dyad, one member may post a change in his or her relationship status without telling the other.

Which brings us to breaking up in the Facebook arena. Libby Simpson's boyfriend had just broken up with her when she started getting calls from friends who weren't her closest asking, "How are you?" "Are you OK?"

"What are you talking about?" Simpson, a junior at the University of Massachusetts, asked them.

"We saw it on Facebook," they said. Her ex, Andrew, had changed his status to single, and an automatic message had been sent out, accompanied with a broken heart, signaling the end of their relationship.

"I was kind of mortified," said Simpson, who has 342 friends on Facebook. "First of all I was just getting over the shock, saying OK, this is real … I didn't get out of bed for a week."

After such an experience, many Facebook users opt not to record any details about their romantic status, so that if it changes, at least they avoid having any notifications sent out. After the break-up, Simpson also weathered the Facebook updates containing tidbits about Andrew's whereabouts, reminding her of what he was doing, which friends he was seeing.

Kathleen Bogle, a professor of sociology at La Salle University in Philadelphia and the author of "Hooking Up: Sex, Dating, and Relationships on Campus," said having so much access to information about your ex "can really take jealousy to a new level."

Michael Rabby, an assistant professor of communication studies at the University of Portland in Oregon and an expert on relationships and the Internet, said it's a "hard-and-fast rule, if you break up with somebody, you really should 'unfriend' them.

"You don't want to know if they are dating or really what they are feeling because you're not going to really, recover. You're not going to heal yourself if you're constantly attuned to what your ex is doing."

But many don't "unfriend" easily, even with someone they are mad at.

Back to Nellie and the late '40s. Turns out she had more trouble than she thought in her plan to "drum him out" of her "dreams." By the end of the play, she and her boyfriend are back together.

The Johari Window

Creating Better Understanding Between Individuals and Groups

The Johari Window is a communication model that can be used to improve understanding between individuals within a team or in a group setting. Based on disclosure, self-disclosure and feedback, the Johari Window can also be used to improve a group's relationship with other groups

Developed by Joseph Luft and Harry Ingham (the word “Johari” comes from Joseph Luft and Harry Ingham), there are two key ideas behind the tool:

1. That individuals can build trust between themselves by disclosing information about themselves; and
2. That they can learn about themselves and come to terms with personal issues with the help of feedback from others.

By explaining the idea of the Johari Window to your team, you can help team members understand the value of self-disclosure, and gently encourage people to give and accept feedback. Done sensitively, this can help people build more-trusting relationships with one another, solve issues and work more effectively as a team.

Explaining the Johari Window:

The Johari Window model consists of a foursquare grid (think of taking a piece of paper and dividing it into four parts by drawing one line down the middle of the paper from top to bottom, and another line through the middle of the paper from side-to-side). This is shown in the diagram below:

Using the Johari model, each person is represented by their own four-quadrant, or four-pane, window. Each of these contains and represents personal information – feelings, motivation – about the person, and shows whether the information is known or not known by themselves or other people.

The four quadrants are:

Quadrant 1: Open Area

What is known by the person about him/herself and is also known by others.

Quadrant 2: Blind Area, or "Blind Spot"

What is unknown by the person about him/herself but which others know. This can be simple information, or can involve deep issues (for example, feelings of inadequacy, incompetence, unworthiness, rejection) which are difficult for individuals to face directly, and yet can be seen by others.

Quadrant 3: Hidden or Avoided Area

What the person knows about him/herself that others do not.

Quadrant 4: Unknown Area

What is unknown by the person about him/herself and is also unknown by others.

The process of enlarging the open quadrant vertically is called self-disclosure, a give and take process between the person and the people he/she interacts with.

As information is shared, the boundary with the hidden quadrant moves downwards. And as other people reciprocate, trust tends to build between them.

Tip 1:

Don’t be rash in your self-disclosure. Disclosing harmless items builds trust. However, disclosing information which could damage people’s respect for you can put you in a position of weakness.

Using the Tool:

The process of enlarging the open quadrant horizontally is one of feedback. Here the individual learns things about him- or her-self that others can see, but he or she can’t.

Tip 2:
Be careful in the way you give feedback. Some cultures have a very open and accepting approach to feedback. Others don’t. You can cause incredible offence if you offer personal feedback to someone who’s not used to it. Be sensitive, and start gradually.

If anyone is interested in learning more about this individual, they reciprocate by disclosing information in their hidden quadrant.

For example, the first participant may disclose that he/she is a runner. The other participant may respond by adding that he/she works out regularly at the local gym, and may then disclose that the gym has recently added an indoor jogging track for winter runners.

As your levels of confidence and self-esteem rises, it is easier to invite others to comment on your blind spots. Obviously, active and empathic listening skills are useful in this exercise.

The Johari Window in a Team Context

Keep in mind that established team members will have larger open areas than new team members. New team members start with smaller open areas because little knowledge about the new team member has yet been shared. The size of the Open Area can be expanded horizontally into the blind space, by seeking and actively listening to feedback from other group members.

Group members should strive to assist a team member in expanding their Open Area by offering constructive feedback. The size of the Open Area can also be expanded vertically downwards into the hidden or avoided space by the sender’s disclosure of information, feelings, etc about himself/herself to the group and group members.

Also, group members can help a person expand their Open Area into the hidden area by asking the sender about himself/herself. Managers and team leaders play a key role here, facilitating feedback and disclosure among group members, and by providing constructive feedback to individuals about their own blind areas.

Key Points:

In most cases, the aim in groups should be to develop the Open Area for every person.

Working in this area with others usually allows for enhanced individual and team effectiveness and productivity. The Open Area is the ‘space’ where good communications and cooperation occur, free from confusion, conflict and misunderstanding.

Self-disclosure is the process by which people expand the Open Area vertically. Feedback is the process by which people expand this area horizontally.

By encouraging healthy self-disclosure and sensitive feedback, you can build a stronger and more effective team.

Love Pollution

Ways you can Improve the Health of Your Love environment.

Just as we pollute our planet’s environment, we can also pollute our relationships through our behavior and the methods we use to get what we want.
No relationship is perfect. Every relationship needs maintenance, as well as a clean up from time to time, so that it can stay healthy and on the right track. Not only that, but a relationship also requires a couple to find new ways of cleaning it up, since a relationship changes and grows in time, with new experiences and issues.

As much as we all want to keep our relationship happy at all times, it is just not a realistic desire. While you might have a lot in common with your partner, you two are still two individual human beings with your own personal goals, passions and desires that you wish to achieve in your lives. You and your partner may not always see eye to eye on everything and this causes conflicts. One or both of you may also get lazy in time, not investing as much effort as you used to when the relationship was young and fresh. Does this mean that your partner (or you) no longer cares? Probably not but it does mean that you and your partner have settled in too deeply in the comfort zone of your relationship and need to get up and give your relationship a good work out, so that it can get back in shape.
The following are common ways we pollute our relationships with negativity, as well as suggestions on how you can cleans things up and improve your relationship’s health.

Polluter #1: Laziness

Laziness is never your friend. It holds you back and keeps you from accomplishing goals that will make you feel happy and fulfilled. Just as laziness hurts you in your academic and career field, it hurts you in your relationships as well. It is only natural that both you and your partner will become comfortable as your relationship matures. The more time you spend together, the less concerned you become with staying on your toes and impressing one another, because you trust that you both love each other. There is nothing wrong with being comfortable in a relationship. In fact, you should feel safe and comfortable with your partner.

However, there is such thing as getting too comfortable in a relationship. If you hang out in the comfort zone most of the time, that means you are no longer trying to find ways to excite each other and bring new joys into the relationship. At one point, you two will drift apart and will become bored, leading one or both of you to perhaps look outside the relationship for excitement, and/or break up.

What you can do:

If your relationship is already suffering from the pollution of laziness, then it is time for both you and your partner to get up and get active! Do things to let your partner know that you are still crazy about him/her, as well as let him/her know things you would like for them to do for you, or with you. Find new places to visit together, new hobbies to get active in, whatever you both feel you will enjoy in each other’s company. It does not have to be anything big or extravagant, as long as you both work together in keeping the relationship active.

Polluter #2: Arguments

It is not really the arguing that is the polluter here, but more the way you argue that is. Arguing is normal and is important, because it plays a big role in bringing you and your partner closer together. Arguing is reasoning people give one another when they are for or against something. Through arguing, you and your lover learn the differences that exist between you and can use this information to understand each other better and therefore respect each other more, as well as behave more considerately towards one another.

Arguments can help a relationship become even stronger and healthier…when you do it in a positive manner. Unfortunately, we often handle arguments in a negative manner, because to most of us arguments equal negative and this point of view causes us to behave negatively in an argument. Before you know it, what is supposed to be a constructive and learning experience, ends up being a fight of him vs. her with the goal to win and be right, rather than working together in finding a compromise.

What you can do:

First of all, it is important that you keep reminding yourself that arguments are not a bad thing. Keep reminding yourself this until you truly understand it, so that the next time you get involved in an argument with your partner, you will not have your defenses up ready to enter a fight. Instead enter an argument with an open mind and heart, ready to problem solve rather than enter a fighting contest. Do not be afraid or shy to talk to your partner about arguing. Remember, open and honest communication is key and if you and your lover talk about this when you two are happy and not arguing, you will be able to set your goals about this open and clear mindedly. It is essential that you both remember that when arguments do come to surface, the point is to attack the problem and not the person. Getting angry and feeling hurt during arguments is okay, as long as you express your anger and hurt productively and not in a way to just hurt your part back.

Polluter #3: Denial

Denial is a huge relationship polluter. Many of us want to desperately believe that everything is fine or will work itself out in our relationship, causing us to blind ourselves from many truths. Every relationship will have problems and obstacles that are both painful and anger inducing, so while you can denial problems all you want- you are actually only making things worse for your relationship. Ignoring problems does not make them go away, but in fact makes them grow and grow until your relationship is hanging by its last thread. There are times when two people will grow apart and break up because of that, but often times; a relationship does not have to fall apart due to problems. Most relationship troubles can be worked out, but that requires the acceptance of these troubles from both partners involved.

What you can do:

Be realistic and accept the fact that you and your partner can love each other and have problems at the same time. Understanding that having conflicts between you and your partner does mean you do not love each other anymore will help you avoid entering the denial zone. When a problem comes along, talk to your partner about it and do not avoid conversation when your partner approaches you about something. Brushing issues off will actually tear you two apart, because issues cannot work themselves out. If you really want to be with your partner, then you need to be a team member in your relationship at all times with the good and the bad. If do not want to lose your relationship and you want to make it last, then do not pretend everything is perfect.

Love your relationship unconditionally by accepting it’s imperfections and teaming up with your lover in making improvements where they are needed (whether it is in the communication, trust, passion or commitment department) so your relationship can strengthen from both it’s positive and negative sides, rather than weaken due to denial on your or your partner’s part.

Finding Your Soul Mate

We all dream about meeting the right person. . . the one that we are meant to be with forever. Dreaming about it is all fun and easy, but the real question is, where do you find this soul mate of yours? Fate? If you believe in fate, then yes, it might have something to do with it, but not without effort on your part. Fate needs you to give it direction so that as a team, you can find the person you have always wanted as a part of your life.

The first thing you have to do before finding your soul mate, is finding yourself. What qualities are important to you? What are your morals and beliefs? How do you show your affection and how do you expect it to be presented to you? These are questions necessary for you to ask yourself before going out there. Giving yourself an interview will make things clearer of what type of person you are really looking for, instead of just going on a blind search.

It is very common for a person to date people just for dating. While dating is a fun and useful experience, it is not advisable to just go out with anyone just to have a date, or to enter a relationship because you do not want to be alone or if you are on a rebound from a failed relationship. When you are dating, it is important that you use this as an opportunity to observe and see if the person is someone you would like to see again and if they carry the qualities you are looking for. If, for example, if you are searching for a person who is in touch with his or her romantic side, but go on a date with someone who likes acting rough at baseball games and loves hunting, then you could pretty much see where the relationship would go. You should be able to sense these qualities after a few dates.

Once you have realized that these dates will not lead to a relationship you have dreamed of, then obviously the person is not your dream mate either, and it would be best if you stop seeing and talking to each other to prevent any misleading expectations. Continuing to date someone just because you entered a comfort zone or do not want to hurt their feelings will only hold you back from meeting who you are really meant to be with, not to mention waste precious time for both you and your date's. Gently break it to him or her that you find them to be a very interesting and nice person, but you feel like going solo for a while and then move on.

Tracking down your soul mate will require patience; so do not feel frustrated or hopeless if you do not find him or her in a certain amount of time. Good things take time to be brought together and you will come together when the time is right. The time becomes right when you look out for the right signs. Such signs would be:

1. Being strongly attracted to each other physically.
2. Being strongly attracted to each other's personalities.
3. Having common interests.
4. Sharing the same values.
5. Major respect for one another.
6. Someone who makes you feel truly special and worthy.
7. Someone who puts in a great effort to show you their passion for you and the things that is important in your life.
8. Meeting on the same emotional and intellectual levels.
9. Speaking the same language.
   

These are some major and important signs to look out for when trying to track down your soul mate. It will not be difficult to realize because you will know when things are right and the way you want it. When you have found such a person, it is good for you to remember to take things one-step at a time. Sometimes people jump in too fast and end up getting hurt or realizing they jumped to conclusions a little too soon. Take it slow and observe how things are going. See if the person who seems to be perfect in every way for you and remains to carry the same qualities as the relationship proceeds.

When time has proven that the two of you are truly compatible in ways you have always dreamed of, then the relationship may go to the next level and the two of you can make a serious commitment and start focusing on building a future together. Like before, it is important that you pay attention to how you handle a commitment together and if you both agree on what kind of future the two of have in mind. Staying on the same levels is a huge sign that you are with the right person.

Finding your soul mate will the best accomplishment you will ever make, but it does not stop there. Finding the right person is just the beginning. Keeping the right person takes work too, on both your parts. The two of you will have to continue valuing each other for the rest of your lives, respecting each other's individuality and dreams. Refresh your memory of how the two of were brought together and why you both decided to make a commitment to one another. As long as you keep the magic between you alive, your relationship will continue to grow the love and care you both never imagined could ever happen to you!

Good Communication Really Improves Relationships

Communication is something we all know is necessary to keep any relationship strong and loving, and although we are aware of the importance of communication, we still seem to be clueless about what exactly good communication really is. This does not mean you are clueless as a person, but it does mean that more attention is required on your part, so that you can become more open and invite the many forms of communication that exist, so that you will be able to understand yourself and your partner much better. There is nothing that keeps a relationship healthy, better than understanding and once you start becoming more familiar with your communicating styles, as well as your partners, you will be able to work better as a team in making the best of your relationship.

The first step in achieving better communication that will really work, is to take a look at yourself first. People always tend to turn to their partner first when things are not running so smoothly in their relationship. They automatically start pointing out what their partner is doing or not doing, as well as how their partner is not listening to them. This may all be true depending on your particular situation, but it is important that you take the responsibility in reviewing your own actions and communication first, before you can point anything out in your partner. Remember, it is very easy to see other people's mistakes, but when it comes to looking at yourself, it is much harder to accept criticism, even from yourself- because no one wants to be wrong. This is where you need to get real about things. Communication is not about who is right or wrong, but instead about helping each other see things from each other's perspective, so that you can be on the page and avoid any misunderstanding that will cause unneeded arguments.

Get winning out of your mind. So many couples claim to have tried communication, but it does not seem to work. If this is your case, then the best thing would be to slow down, calm down and take a few steps back. Perhaps communication is not working for your relationship, but what method of communication are you using? Communication itself cannot be the problem or the ineffective ingredient, because communication is the main key to a healthy relationship, so it must be the way you and your partner are communicating. When you or your partner talk to each other, do one or both of you talk to win the conversation, or to actually reach a level of understanding of each other's needs and wants? Believe it or not, it is very common for people to focus on being right and trying to convince their partner of seeing things their way, instead of just sharing what they think and feel so their partner can understand what they mean and what they need.

Listening is so important if you truly wish to accomplish good communication that will improve your relationship. Are you really listening to what your partner is saying to you, or are you waiting to get things off you chest and make your points? Are you just hearing what your partner is saying but not truly listening? Listening may sound like an easy enough thing to do, but many confuse it with hearing. Hearing what your partner is saying versus listening to them, are indeed very different. Listening involves true dedication and your full undivided attention to the words your partner is serving to you, as well as the tones and expressions that go along with those words. Listening means that you are interested in learning more about what your partner is making an effort to tell you and making the emotional connection needed in order to achieve your relationship goals together. Keep in mind that when in a relationship, all communication between partners has to be open, honest, non-judgmental and patient, if you are to succeed and maintaining a happy and healthy relationship.

Communication is not so complicated, once you understand what the right way communicating is, and of course- what methods of communication works for you and your communication best. Effective communication cannot happen on it's own or with the efforts of only one person. Both you and your partner have to be open and willing to work as a team on improving the way you communicate, so that you both can enhance your relationship skills and build a relationship where you both will have an understanding of who you are as individuals and what you both need and want. Just remember to stay real with yourself and avoid painting a foggy and falsified picture- so that you will never be caught off guard with painful surprises or stressful misunderstandings.

The Seven Deadly Sins of a Relationship

"Remember, we all stumble, every one of us. That's why it's a comfort to go hand in hand." - Emily Kimbrough

Just as important as what you should do is what you shouldn't do — and I'm sure many of you have stepped into these pitfalls yourselves. I know I have. I've learned from my mistakes, and have learned to recognize when I'm making a fatal error, and how to correct it.

If you can avoid these seven things, and focus instead on doing the four things above, you should have a strong relationship. I'm not going to guarantee anything, but I'd give you good odds.

Resentment. This is a poison that starts as something small ("He didn't get a new roll of toilet paper" or "She doesn't wash her dishes after she eats") and builds up into something big. Resentment is dangerous because it often flies under our radar, so that we don't even notice we have the resentment, and our partner doesn't realize that there's anything wrong. If you ever notice yourself having resentment, you need to address this immediately, before it gets worse. Cut it off while it's small. There are two good ways to deal with resentment: 1) breathe, and just let it go — accept your partner for who she/he is, faults and all; none of us is perfect; or 2) talk to your partner about it if you cannot accept it, and try to come up with a solution that works for both of you (not just for you); try to talk to them in a non-confrontational way, but in a way that expresses how you feel without being accusatory.

Jealousy. It's hard to control jealousy if you feel it, I know. It seems to happen by itself, out of our control, unbidden and unwanted. However, jealousy, like resentment, is relationship poison. A little jealousy is fine, but when it gets to a certain level it turns into a need to control your partner, and turns into unnecessary fights, and makes both parties unhappy. If you have problems with jealousy (like I once did), instead of trying to control them it's important that you examine and deal with the root issue, which is usually insecurity. That insecurity might be tied to your childhood (abandonment by a parent, for example), in a past relationship where you got hurt, or in an incident or incidents in the past of your current relationship.

Unrealistic expectations. Often we have an idea of what our partner should be like. We might expect them to clean up after themselves, to be considerate, to always think of us first, to surprise us, to support us, to always have a smile, to work hard and not be lazy. Not necessarily these expectations, but almost always we have expectations of our partner. Having some expectations is fine — we should expect our partner to be faithful, for example. But sometimes, without realizing it ourselves, we have expectations that are too high to meet. Our partner isn't perfect — no one is. We can't expect them to be cheerful and loving every minute of the day — everyone has their moods. We can't expect them to always think of us, as they will obviously think of themselves or others sometimes too. We can't expect them to be exactly as we are, as everyone is different. High expectations lead to disappointment and frustration, especially if we do not communicate these expectations. How can we expect our partner to meet these expectations if they don't know about them? The remedy is to lower your expectations — allow your partner to be himself/herself, and accept and love them for that. What basic expectations we do have, we must communicate clearly.

Not making time. This is a problem with couples who have kids, but also with other couples who get caught up in work or hobbies or friends and family or other passions. Couples who don't spend time alone together will drift apart. And while spending time together when you're with the kids or other friends and family is a good thing, it's important that you have time alone together. Can't find time with all the things you have going on — work and kids and all the other stuff? Make time. Seriously — make the time. It can be done. I do it — I just make sure that this time with my wife is a priority, and I'll drop just about anything else to make the time. Get a babysitter, drop a couple commitments, put off work for a day, and go on a date. It doesn't have to be an expensive date — some time in nature, or exercising together, or watching a DVD and having a home-cooked dinner, are all good options. And when you're together, make an effort to connect, not just be together.

Lack of communication. This sin affects all the others on this list — it's been said many times before, but it's true: good communication is the cornerstone of a good relationship. If you have resentment, you must talk it out rather than let the resentment grow. If you are jealous, you must communicate in an open and honest manner to address your insecurities. If you have expectations of your partner, you must communicate them. If there are any problems whatsoever, you must communicate them and work them out. Communication doesn't just mean talking or arguing — good communication is honest without being attacking or blaming. Communicate your feelings — being hurt, frustrated, sorry, scared, sad, happy — rather than criticizing. Communicate a desire to work out a solution that works for you both, a compromise, rather than a need for the other person to change. And communicate more than just problems — communicate the good things too (see below for more).

Not showing gratitude. Sometimes there are no real problems in a relationship, such as resentment or jealousy or unrealistic expectations — but there is also no expression of the good things about your partner either. This lack of gratitude and appreciation is just as bad as the problems, because without it your partner will feel like he or she is being taken for granted. Every person wants to be appreciated for all they do. And while you might have some problems with what your partner does (see above), you should also realize that your partner does good things too. Does she wash your dishes or cook you something you like? Does he clean up after you or support you in your job? Take the time to say thank you, and give a hug and kiss. This little expression can go a long way.

Lack of affection. Similarly, everything else can be going right, including the expression of gratitude, but if there is no affection among partners then there is serious trouble. In effect, the relationship is drifting towards a platonic status. That might be better than many relationships that have serious problems, but it's not a good thing. Affection is important –everyone needs some of it, especially from someone we love. Take the time, every single day, to give affection to your partner. Greet her when she comes home from work with a tight hug. Wake him up with a passionate kiss (who cares about morning breath!). Sneak up behind her and kiss her on the neck. Make out in the movie theater like teen-agers. Caress his back and neck while watching TV. Smile at her often.

Bonus sin: Stubbornness. This wasn't on my original list but I just thought about it before publishing this post, and had to add it in. Every relationship will have problems and arguments — but it's important that you learn to work out these problems after cooling down a bit. Unfortunately, many of us are too stubborn to even talk about things. Perhaps we always want to be right. Perhaps we never want to admit that we made a mistake. Perhaps we don't like to say we're sorry. Perhaps we don't like to compromise. I've done all of these things — but I've learned over the years that this is just childish. When I find myself being stubborn these days, I try to get over this childishness and suck it up and put away my ego and say I'm sorry. Talk about the problem and work it out. Don't be afraid to be the first one to apologize. Then move past it to better things.

Building the Bond in your Relationship

A bond (relationship wise) is when two people have a connection. Being attracted to each other and sharing common values and interests brought the two of you together as a couple, but the bond has not been set completely. Besides the fact that you have love and care between you, you also need to see whether or not the two of you are friends. Is it possible to be friends? Absolutely! As a matter of fact, it is a must if the two of you are going to build a lasting bond.

Having a strong longing and passion for another is important, but is not enough fuel to keep the bond running. With friendship, your relationship will remain having that strength under all kinds of circumstances. There will be times, for example, when you as a couple are not living in your most passionate times. This is natural and does not mean there is no longer love or desire. As your relationship deepens, you will go through many experiences and stages that may put your romance and frequent hot sex aside for a while. This is where friendship comes in and why it is so important. You should be there for each other and understand your partner's situations and concerns. Just take a look at your friends. See what makes your friendship with them so great. You then need to see if your partner has those same similarities or exact (sticking up for you when you need the back up for instance) qualities. Another point to keep in mind is keeping yourself aware of what behavior you would not except from a friend. You should definitely not accept those behaviors from your mate (like standing you up all the time) either.

It is not easy to put our friends and lovers in the same comparison because we are in love with our partners, and therefore will be more patient with them than we would with our friends. You can easily blind yourself due to the love you feel for that person and not even realize when he or she is not being a good friend and partner to you. How can you tell? A true friendship is basically the same as the true qualities that define real love. The difference is, we are in love and have a deep desire for our mates, with commitment and a goal of building a future, and perhaps even getting married and making a family together. The list below will help you see if your lover is a friend to you as well.

• You can talk to and confide in each other about anything.

• Your partner is there for you when you need to talk to someone.

• Being able to always rely on each other when one is counted on.

• Having a permanent shoulder to cry on when we need it.

• Having many things in common.

• Accepting one another for who we are.

• Listening to us and considering our opinions important.

• Be able to accept an apology and not stay angry - forgive and learn from it.

• Do not feel guilty for having high expectations from your lover either.

People often feel like they should be more lenient and understanding when it comes to their lovers. Even though it is important to keep an understanding and forgiving attitude (to avoid misunderstandings and arguments), you should never let things always slide so always communicate clearly with your partner. After all, you invest most of your emotions and time into your partner, so always remember that you are entitled to receive the same respect and behavior you would give. In order for a relationship to work, talk things out and communicate openly, as you would to a close friend. It's imperative.

Are they Just Friends or is His Female Friend a Threat to You?

It is not unusual for men and women to have friends of the opposite sex. However, how friendly is too friendly? Is your partner's female friend a threat to your relationship?Before you determine whether this is all really a threat to you, you must make sure of one thing first: That you are not just being jealous. Jealousy can cloud your judgment and create thoughts in your mind that are not true about your partner and his female friend. Observe your partner's relationship with his female friend before you reach any conclusions. While observing, find answers to the following questions:

How much time does he spend with her? How often do they call each other and how important does he consider interaction with her to be? Are they flirtatious with each other? Does your instinct tell you that she wants him as more than a friend? Having answers to these questions will help you determine whether your partner's friendship with this female is a problem or not. If they spend a lot of time together one on one and talk to each other on the phone or chat on the internet frequently, then this could be a problem. If you notice they are flirtatious with each other, then this friendship has crossed the line. Everyone does casual flirting here and there, but if the flirting is strong and your instincts tell you that she wants your man romantically, then this is a problem for your relationship. Keep in mind, nevertheless, that this female friend can only be a threat if your partner makes her important enough to be a threat. If your partner makes her a priority in every day life then start worrying. He may not be aware of her full intentions (if she is indeed interested in him romantically), but he also is not so clueless that he cannot know intense flirting when he sees it. If she is a friend, then he clearly knows her pretty well. He also knows what he is doing when he chooses to spend a certain amount of time with her and makes her a high priority. So in other words, if you feel insecure or threatened by her, it is because your partner has behaved irresponsibly and has not taken your feelings into full consideration.

If your partner's friendship with a certain female (or females in general) bothers you, have a talk with him and let him know how you feel, keeping in mind that you should be fair in your requests. Your partner has rights to be friends with whomever he wishes, just as you have the right to choose your friends. With that being said, your partner owes you a considerable amount of respect and should care if things bother you. Once you tell your partner that a certain friendship bothers you for whatever reason, he should invest the necessary efforts to make you feel more at ease about the situation. If your partner brushes it off and does not do much to find a fair solution to this, then it is time to take a closer look at your relationship and find out just how important you are to your partner. After all, friends are important- but they should not cause problems in your romantic relationship with your partner. He does not have to stop being friends with anyone, but if it bothers you, then he should be willing to turns things down a notch.

Is it ever okay to ask your partner to stop being friends with a certain female?
Well, the only time you should really ask your partner to stop being friends with someone is if you see this female friend throwing herself on him all the time, with romantic interest. It is obvious she is not really interested in just being his friend and therefore their friendship is not appropriate. Your partner should sense this on his own and take care of it, but you can bring it up and suggest it yourself if you want to. Be sure to approach him in a clam and gentle manner. If he gets angry and defensive at your suggestion, do not fight with him. His reaction and behavior tells you what you need to know. If he is that unwilling to really listen to you and consider what you have to say, then perhaps it would be a good idea to take a break, so that he can think about what and who is more important to him.

Do Long Distance Relationships really work

Challenging and difficult, though they may not be what we want to hear, are the words that best describe long distance relationships. Keep in mind however, that the words are challenging and difficult, not impossible. Many people choose to give a long distance relationship a try, with the constant curiosity if it was the right decision to make and if it even stands a chance. The truth is, a long distance relationship has just as much a chance of succeeding as any other relationship!

Long Distance Relationships share the same facts as an average relationship. It involves two people who share an interest in each others lives, care for one another and of course have a love for each other that they hope will only continue to grow. On the other hand, a long distance relationship does have its differences as well. It takes away your ability to see each other on a frequent basis, as well as the choice of being intimate whenever you desire, not to mention that there would be major trust required. Being unable to spend time together in a physical presence makes it harder to hang on to, but does not spell out doom for your relationship.

The first step is to make an agreement of what your expectations are in the relationship and how much of a commitment you are willing to give and receive. If the two of you decide to be monogamous, then it is clear that neither of you will be dating anyone else as long as your romantic relationship exists. Being clear about what you both want is extremely important, especially in a long distance relationship, in order to prevent future misunderstandings and mistakes. Do not feel afraid to tell your partner what you really need and want from him or her, you deserve the chance to speak from your heart and he or she deserves to know the truth and judge whether they can give it to you.

Trust is a major necessity if you wish to have your relationship from a distance. Without trust and honesty, the relationship is in for danger and unsuccessfulness, just as it would be any other relationship. By accepting the challenge of a long distance relationship, you also accepted the fact that you will have to have the trust and faith that your partner will not be seeing anyone else as promised.

Communication is important and compromising on certain relationship issues is important. Treat a long distance relationship like you would treat any other relationship.

The Meaning of Love

So, what is the meaning of love? Can the true meaning of love really be defined in any kind of objective way, or is the definition of love completely subjective and different for every person?

Perhaps as a reflection of the fact that the meaning of love is an intensely subjective thing, the dictionary has nearly 30 different definitions for the word “love.” The first love definition, “a passionate affection for another person,” is probably one that many romantic couples could relate to and understand. But just because this definition of love is widely accepted by people in a romantic relationship doesn’t mean that it’s the only meaning of love out there.

Another common theme on this topic is that each romantic relationship is extremely unique, with different experiences and tastes that make up a dynamic that is exclusive as a single snowflake. Although we may agree on a textbook definition of love that can describe the meaning of love for most couples, there is really no way to accurately say what the meaning of love is for every lover in the world.

So, what’s the point of debating semantics when it comes to the meaning of love? Well, it’s to let you know that your own personal definition of love, even if it is something that differs from the majority of people out there, is nothing you should feel strange about. If the true meaning of love to you is something that you are comfortable with and if the way you define love doesn’t harm anyone else, then that is your prerogative and nothing you should be ashamed of.
More importantly, though, it is paramount that you and your lover share a common idea of what the meaning of love really is. If you and your significant other define the meaning of love differently, you’ll approach your romantic relationship and affection differently, and hurt feelings could be the result. If you haven’t yet, make sure you sit down with your sweetheart and ask them what the true meaning of love is to them. Share your real feelings about what love means, and if you define love in different terms, try to find common ground and come to a consensus about expectations in your relationship.

So, what is the definition or the true meaning of love? As you can probably figure out, love has a different meaning for everyone! Just make sure that your lover understands and appreciates your personal definition of love, and that you equally respect the meaning of love to them. When two people share a similar philosophy on what love means, there is no limit to the amount of romance they can add to their relationship!

Top things women hate about men

The relationship between men and women has always been a love-hate type. This article will describe what a woman finds most annoying in her partner or soon to be partner. Though this is a much debated topic, we know for sure that a woman never likes a man who is weak or shows too much or too little of interest in her initially. It would be very easy to put it down in a few simple points, but perhaps it is best to debate this topic by asking questions. How would you feel if you see your man with another woman enjoying a cup of coffee at the coffee shop around the street corner? Chances are, you would feel a sense of jealousy, even if the woman is just an office colleague who just wanted to feel a little relaxed. This is just an example and hundreds more can be cited. Any relationship can survive just on one sentence "Trust me and I will never let you down." If you really mean it, this will be the foundation of any relationship.

Though women publicly admit that they like men who are strong, secretly they like a man on whom she can wield certain amount of power. Well for all the men reading this article, the Billy Joel song "She is always a woman for me" is how we would love to define her. No matter what, men will always enjoy the company of women. Let me now bring out certain points which women definitely find annoying in a man. Imagine your boyfriend calling you up every 15 minutes, when you are in the middle of a busy road. Regardless of how much you love your partner, this can become very irritating, as you would feel you are free to be on your own, due to the constant phone calls. Now imagine you are on a first date and he starts talking about the amount of money that he has made in the stock markets or the new Ferrari that he has bought. I am sure more often than not a woman would not like to hear about these things on the first date. While men do talk about what they do for a living on first dates, it is usually considered annoying and ruse for someone to brag about their earnings. It is also likely (majority of the times) that a woman would not like a person who would show insensitivity towards her feelings. Women and Men have different viewpoints on its important for a man to repsect his partners viewpoint. This is a huge mistake that many men make and women do not like this attitude from them.

There are many other factors that women generally do not like in men such as arrogance, lies, submissive behavior, etc. Never ever show a woman that you have a weak character. This is one of the traits that women dislike in a man. It is a mistake that many men make by making a woman feel that he is ready to fall at her feet 24 hrs a day. Contrary to a man's thinking that a woman would appreciate it, women get annoyed with men who are too submissive and ready to do anything for her. On the other hand, women don't like a man who is so stubborn he wont compromise with her either.

This does not mean that a woman does not want a sensitive man who is open about his feelings, but it does mean that a woman still wants a man to be his own person, think for himself and claim what he wants from a relationship. A woman's relationship with a man is very delicate and she looks for a strong shoulder to rest her head.

A woman always likes a man who has a big heart and ready to share and care. A self-centered man is rarely loved by women and more often than not will crave for female company. You are setting yourself up for failure, if you show undue interest in other women when you are with a woman. This is a behavior that women dislike and will definitely put her off. Manipulative attitude is something that women dislike in a man. Hence, try to be as open in your behavior as possible and at the same time do not fall prey if she displays manipulative behavior.

Keeping these points in mind, you can win over a woman. Remember that love blossoms slowly and you need to give your woman time and space if you really want to win her over. I have tried to explore few points that make a woman annoyed with a man. There may be many more and hence it is always advisable that you always be yourself when you are dating or in a relationship.

Is a Liar Ever Going to Change

Being lied to by someone you love and felt you could trust is very painful and frustrating. You love your partner, so you find yourself forgiving his/her lies the first time, perhaps the second and third time as well, before you realize you are just involved with a liar. However, because you feel strongly for this person, it is not easy for you to break away, even though you know that is probably what is best for you. You hang on, with hope that things will change and he will not lie to you anymore. You justify staying with him by telling yourself that he is a good person and deep down you know he loves you- and that your relationship is wonderful and perfect- except when he lies.

What you need to ask yourself when this happens is: Do you consider a wonderful relationship one in which your partner lies to you? Is being lied to by a liar your idea of love and respect? When you are emotionally involved with someone, it is not always easy to ask and answer these logical questions. You often will make excuses for a liar, just to make yourself feel better about staying with someone who does not truly respect you. When your partner lies to you, it is because he does not respect you and is not as committed to the relationship as you would like to believe. Of course, there are different kinds of lies- little ones and big ones, but a lie is still a lie, no matter the size or reason for the lie. Look at it like this: if your partner can lie so easily over little things that are unnecessary to lie about, then you can be pretty sure that he/she will lie to you about bigger things that will really matter and damage the relationship.

What you need to ask yourself when this happens is: Do you consider a wonderful relationship one in which your partner lies to you? Is being lied to by a liar your idea of love and respect? When you are emotionally involved with someone, it is not always easy to ask and answer these logical questions. You often will make excuses for a liar, just to make yourself feel better about staying with someone who does not truly respect you. When your partner lies to you, it is because he does not respect you and is not as committed to the relationship as you would like to believe. Of course, there are different kinds of lies- little ones and big ones, but a lie is still a lie, no matter the size or reason for the lie. Look at it like this: if your partner can lie so easily over little things that are unnecessary to lie about, then you can be pretty sure that he/she will lie to you about bigger things that will really matter and damage the relationship.

Breakfast at McDonalds

This is a good story and is true.

I am a mother of three (ages 14, 12, 3) and have recently completed my college degree. The last class I had to take was Sociology.

The teacher was absolutely inspiring with the qualities that I wish every human being had been graced with. Her last project of the term was called, 'Smile.'

The class was asked to go out and smile at three people and document their reactions. I am a very friendly person and always smile at everyone and say hello anyway. So, I thought this would be a piece of cake, literally.

Soon after we were assigned the project, my husband, youngest son, and I went out to McDonald's one crisp March morning. It was just our way of sharing special playtime with our son. We were standing in line, waiting to be served, when all of a sudden everyone around us began to back away, and then even my husband did.

I did not move an inch... An overwhelming feeling of panic welled up inside of me as I turned to see why they had moved. As I turned around I smelled a horrible 'dirty body' smell, and there standing behind me were two poor homeless men. As I looked down at the short gentleman, close to me, he was 'smiling'. His beautiful sky blue eyes were full of God's Light as he searched for acceptance.

He said, 'Good day' as he counted the few coins he had been clutching. The second man fumbled with his hands as he stood behind his friend. I realized the second man was mentally challenged and the blue-eyed gentleman was his salvation. I held my tears as I stood there with them. The young lady at the counter asked him what they wanted. He said, 'Coffee is all Miss' because that was all they could afford. (If they wanted to sit in the restaurant and warm up, they had to buy something. He just wanted to be warm).

Then I really felt it - the compulsion was so great I almost reached out and embraced the little man with the blue eyes. That is when I noticed all eyes in the restaurant were set on me, judging my every action. I smiled and asked the young lady behind the counter to give me two more breakfast meals on a separate tray.

I then walked around the corner to the table that the men had chosen as a resting spot. I put the tray on the table and laid my hand on the blue-eyed gentleman's cold hand.

He looked up at me, with tears in his eyes, and said, 'Thank you.' I leaned over, began to pat his hand and said, 'I did not do this for you. God is here working through me to give you hope.'

I started to cry as I walked away to join my husband and son. When I sat down my husband smiled at me and said, 'That is why God gave you to me, Honey, to give me hope.' We held hands for a moment and at that time, we knew that only because of the Grace that we had been given were we able to give.

We are not church goers, but we are believers. That day showed me the pure Light of God's sweet love. I returned to college, on the last evening of class, with this story in hand. I turned in 'my project' and the instructor read it. Then she looked up at me and said, 'Can I share this?'

I slowly nodded as she got the attention of the class. She began to read and that is when I knew that we as human beings and being part of God share this need to heal people and to be healed. In my own way I had touched the people at McDonald's, my son, instructor, and every soul that shared the classroom on the last night I spent as a college student.

I graduated with one of the biggest lessons I would ever learn : Unconditional Acceptance :

Much love and compassion is sent to each and every person who may read this and learn how to LOVE PEOPLE AND USE THINGS - NOT LOVE THINGS AND USE PEOPLE.