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Friday, December 19, 2008

Are they Just Friends or is His Female Friend a Threat to You?

It is not unusual for men and women to have friends of the opposite sex. However, how friendly is too friendly? Is your partner's female friend a threat to your relationship?Before you determine whether this is all really a threat to you, you must make sure of one thing first: That you are not just being jealous. Jealousy can cloud your judgment and create thoughts in your mind that are not true about your partner and his female friend. Observe your partner's relationship with his female friend before you reach any conclusions. While observing, find answers to the following questions:

How much time does he spend with her? How often do they call each other and how important does he consider interaction with her to be? Are they flirtatious with each other? Does your instinct tell you that she wants him as more than a friend? Having answers to these questions will help you determine whether your partner's friendship with this female is a problem or not. If they spend a lot of time together one on one and talk to each other on the phone or chat on the internet frequently, then this could be a problem. If you notice they are flirtatious with each other, then this friendship has crossed the line. Everyone does casual flirting here and there, but if the flirting is strong and your instincts tell you that she wants your man romantically, then this is a problem for your relationship. Keep in mind, nevertheless, that this female friend can only be a threat if your partner makes her important enough to be a threat. If your partner makes her a priority in every day life then start worrying. He may not be aware of her full intentions (if she is indeed interested in him romantically), but he also is not so clueless that he cannot know intense flirting when he sees it. If she is a friend, then he clearly knows her pretty well. He also knows what he is doing when he chooses to spend a certain amount of time with her and makes her a high priority. So in other words, if you feel insecure or threatened by her, it is because your partner has behaved irresponsibly and has not taken your feelings into full consideration.


If your partner's friendship with a certain female (or females in general) bothers you, have a talk with him and let him know how you feel, keeping in mind that you should be fair in your requests. Your partner has rights to be friends with whomever he wishes, just as you have the right to choose your friends. With that being said, your partner owes you a considerable amount of respect and should care if things bother you. Once you tell your partner that a certain friendship bothers you for whatever reason, he should invest the necessary efforts to make you feel more at ease about the situation. If your partner brushes it off and does not do much to find a fair solution to this, then it is time to take a closer look at your relationship and find out just how important you are to your partner. After all, friends are important- but they should not cause problems in your romantic relationship with your partner. He does not have to stop being friends with anyone, but if it bothers you, then he should be willing to turns things down a notch.

Is it ever okay to ask your partner to stop being friends with a certain female?
Well, the only time you should really ask your partner to stop being friends with someone is if you see this female friend throwing herself on him all the time, with romantic interest. It is obvious she is not really interested in just being his friend and therefore their friendship is not appropriate. Your partner should sense this on his own and take care of it, but you can bring it up and suggest it yourself if you want to. Be sure to approach him in a clam and gentle manner. If he gets angry and defensive at your suggestion, do not fight with him. His reaction and behavior tells you what you need to know. If he is that unwilling to really listen to you and consider what you have to say, then perhaps it would be a good idea to take a break, so that he can think about what and who is more important to him.

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